Little Better You

As early as I can remember, I have always wanted deep friendships. People who know my story. People I can trust with the intimate details of what is going on in my life. I didn’t have that when I was young and it left me with a deep yearning for closeness in my adult life. At first I thought I could fill the need with a boyfriend or a husband but I couldn’t make him fit into what I needed. I meet my now best friend, Molly, at my work. We started a bit slow and then we somehow fit. We weren’t anything alike and yet we met a need for each other that has lasted over 25 years. That circle of friendship grew and kept expanding until there were 7 and then a few more in the boyfriends and husbands. I am grateful to say, I have a posse. People to celebrate with and invest in. I didn’t realize the depth of what they gave me until my incident. They all showed up in different ways and I felt seen in a way I had never thought possible. I needed them and they met my need to be realized. I had a place to land, people to invest my gifts in. It gave my life a depth that is remarkable.
Friendship isn’t an automatic thing. There are actions that will make it better, no matter who your friends are, no matter what your personality. You need to be authentic, you need to ask for time, and you need to trust. It’s a formula that pays off in ways you never dreamed.
I’m so thankful for my friends. I still make new friends but I’m so glad I have a group of people that show up for me in a big way and that I don’t have to impress. I honestly strive to be the best I can be, knowing they always have my back, that they seek to understand me. This episode of Little Better You is just a snippet of what I’ve learned on my path to friendship but whatever you do, lean in to friendship. I truly wouldn’t be the same without my friendships. And I know it will pay off for you too.

Since my brain injury, I had to figure out ways that would get me off my seat and get things done. I've figured out a few processes that really work for me. From getting one thing done to celebrating my accomplishments, these little sparks really work to light my fire. Dig in with me and check out whether some of these ideas might get you going! It's a short one but it's packed with goodness! 

I was raised a people-pleaser. That meant that as long as I had “majority rule” among my friends and family, I read it as I was on the right track. I lived this way for years and everything in my life, from the job I chose to work at, to the house and neighborhood I lived in, was partly a result of what I thought people thought. It got tricky when I wanted to do something that I perceived people weren’t going to like. That resulted in me hiding my desires from those who I felt would disagree until I had to tell them or the life-results were out there for all to see. Because of this, my behavior was childlike and I was overlooking something really important, the message of the divine in my life. Don’t worry what others think. You have a divine voice giving you guidance about the opportunities in your life. Lean into your deeper purpose and eliminate the noise that comes with checking in on what others’ think. It will minimize the confusion and put you a path to a deep sense of fulfillment in your life.

This was an easy “little bit better” life topic for me. Being committed to your goals and dreams are an essential part of success. We all. have ideas but do you have what it takes to get across the finish line? Since my move from the Quad Cities to Des Moines, I have accumulated a few visions. I see myself 40 pounds lighter than the weight I gained since my incident. I can picture my speaking revitalized and to lasso in a few more interesting and driven coaching clients. I don’t want to hear about the economy or the interest in my key topics. I am focused on doing what it takes to move the needle in these areas in my life.
What I’ve noticed is, as I create a routine that gets me where I want to go, is that my desire to get after it doesn’t always keep pace with my big dreams. Sometimes I just don’t feel like working out. Or I don’t want to get dressed for networking connection after networking connection. That is the funny part of all of this. Sometimes you see the vision of what you want to change so clearly but it can be nothing short of challenging to stay the course. The thing is, is that there is no way around it. You hav e to commit the behaviors that will change your life. It feels so good to realize the results of sticking with it. So let’s focus in on commitment. What do you want? And what is standing in your way. Stay focused and the sky is the limit for you.

Are you someone who celebrates? When you reach a milestone or an accomplishment do you stop and feel the moment of winning and really soak it in? Or do you ask for more? Do you want more? Maybe you avoid celebrations because it makes you feel like you are complacent and acting happy with something that isn’t really an achievement or an accomplishment of your big goal? Maybe you think that if you celebrate you’ll have less good energy for what you are trying to achieve. Here is the truth about celebrations: when you take a moment to see and appreciate what you have reached or accomplished, you create a safe space for more good things to happen. You attract that good energy into your life! Celebrations are not a waste of time. They are a vital part of your success.

When you hear the word, “faith,” what do you think? Does your mind automatically go to church services and fire-and-brimstone-preachers? Or do you go the New Age path and think about vibrations and kind of an invisible magic? I have always allowed a belief in the work happening that is unseen, the special happenstances that are required for me to get additional speaking engagements and more coaching clients. I have to believe that my hard work is hitting home and will pay off or I’ll go nuts. It’s. quick podcast, only 20 minutes, which explains the reason why I believe and the power faith has had in my life. Take a listen but more importantly see and acknowledge the proof of faith becoming real in your life.
Remember: Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. I know it doesn’t always make sense to believe but over and over I have seen beautiful miracles pop up after a person allows their belief to permeate their life. Enjoy the stories of my mom and dad. It’s nothing short of romantic and their faith has paid off one hundred fold

It's a hard choice, between harmony and expression. I have something to tell you: the world needs your voice. Expressing your viewpoint makes everyone better and its makes you better. Dig in and find out why people don't speak up, what the benefits and even words you can use to make the process easier. It's time to create an environment where it's okay to speak. 

Do you remember kindergarten or one of your favorite grades in elementary school. Growing was about learning, learning the answers to questions you didn't know. Then you became an adult and being an expert was knowing all the answers. If you want to grow in your life, take chances. Be in the space of not knowing and seeking out the answers Take a chance on you- it's the way you grow!

I have learned about the power of abundance (and the absence of it) over the last 16 years. When I expect the best from the universe, it delivers and the same is true when I have a negative mindset and I expect the worst. As I am healing, it’s so important to wake up with a positive expectation. This day is mine and it’s a gift and by the end of the day, good things will happen. When I have that mindset, inevitably, the day delivers exactly what I need. It seems so silly, and kind of obvious, that your thoughts can be that powerful, but I promise you, what you see in your minds eye are from your superhero era. If you are skeptical, hang up your misgivings and give it a try. You will be pleasantly surprised!This episode is about what abundance really is and how to capture its essence and bring it into your life. I wish you the best and I can’t wait to hear your stories as abundance transforms your existence.

This week was a week for letting my guard down and discontinuing defending myself. Man it was hard and felt awkward and led me to the realization that I have been defensiveness around everyone my whole life. What a waste of energy. I wanted to think of myself as a mature and accomplished person and if anyone suggested that I was different that what I hoped for in my mind’s eye, I put up a wall and walked away, not considering what they were saying to me. Ken always told me, “I’m not attacking you.” And I didn’t think I believed that in the front of my mind but every time he made a suggestion, that is what I felt! He rarely made a suggestion I couldn’t use and after creating this podcast, I regret how much better I COULD have been if I had considered anything he told me. I talked to my sister, Betsy, about this podcast and she suggested I look at Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. I mistakenly thought it was a book but it is this graphic that is packed with good information.